January Cara Box!

I have nothing to show for my January Cara Box...which is COMPLETELY my fault. I was paired with Gayle (who I sent a box to) and Andrea. Andrea sent me an e-mail asking for my address the day that CJ and I went to Duke for his blood patch. I got her e-mail and was like alright I'll reply when I get home (I hate replying to e-mails on my phone because half the time they don't go through). Well then we ended up spending three days in the hospital and I COMPLETELY FORGOT until this past weekend when I was cleaning out my inbox and saw her e-mail!!! Maybe next month I will actually have pictures to show of my box :-)

Umm What??

CJ and I have never done Valentine's presents. I think he's brought home some Hershey Kisses once or twice but let's be honest...those are for him. So yesterday morning we are laying in bed watching TV while the boys are at school and he asks what I'm getting him for Valentines. Umm what??? I told him we don't normally do Valentines and he goes that's ok I already got your stuff anyways. So now I need to get him something and money will more than likely be tight for the next few weeks until my financial aid refund comes in. I don't know what he was thinking. We didn't even do anything for our anniversary so why would we celebrate Valentines?? I love him but sometimes he confuses me (actually all the time).

I'm having to cut my PT from twice a week to once a week. I hate that but I cannot keep paying $150 a week especially when we have blown through all of our FSA money that was leftover already. I do my exercises at home so when I go next week and we add some more exercises I'll just keep doing them at home. Tomorrow is 5 weeks since the surgery and I feel surprisingly good. My range of motion is back completely and I can walk up the stairs normally again! The biggest thing we are working on now is strengthening the muscles again. Friday morning I have an appointment with a therapist. Well I am supposed to I may have to cancel and wait for a few weeks because that's going to be expensive.

I have been really slack with school work the last week or so. I hate waiting until the last minute to do it. I have a quiz/project due tonight in personal finance that I haven't started. Guess I know what I'll be doing when I get back from taking the boys to school. Yesterday was wonderful! CJ did ALL carpool for me so I could rest and relax. You don't realize how tired you get when you are constantly running around!!

We still haven't heard the official word about Select Team that Deqlan tried out for this weekend. They carry 12 on a roster and there were only 10 kids that were there. Chances are pretty good that he is on the team. I don't know what they will do if someone can't be there or gets sick with only 10 kids. I didn't really think things through but Deqlan has a tournament coming up in March. I know he will bowl in the morning so hopefully if they have a tournament that weekend it will be an afternoon game. We've already paid for the tournament.

Sorry I haven't been around much this week. I have been running around like crazy. I know that when I go downstairs this morning I will scream because the dishwasher won't have been emptied and the dishes from dinner last night will be all over the counters (not even in the sink!) Have a great day!!!

Lazy Day!

Yesterday morning ended up being hectic because the winter storm moved in early than they expected. Deqlan ended up getting out 4 hours early (instead of 3) and so I had to pick him up early so I could get Hayden on time. We came over to my parents and just hung out. CJ was able to make it home by 3. They called all trucks in and sent them home and then told them they couldn't go out today until sunrise. We probably won't see him until about 8:30 tonight.

Deqlan has baseball tryouts this afternoon (assuming the roads thaw out enough). We got about a quarter of an inch of ice yesterday so we will see. He is super excited for select team tryouts because it's a travel team! I don't want him to get too excited because there is a very good chance he won't make the team but we'll see.

I should probably go shower so I can dry my hair and eat lunch before we need to leave. Gotta make sure I'm bundled up good to sit out at the field for an hour and a half!

Crazy Day!

We are supposed to get hit with an ice storm this afternoon so my peaceful Friday has been shot down.

The school system is releasing 3 hours early (which means picking Deqlan up at 12:45) and then we will head to my moms for the night. CJ is more than likely not going to be able to make it home from work so he will go to his moms. I don't like staying at the house with the boys by myself overnight, it just makes me uncomfortable, which is why we are going to my parents. We just decided that last night while we were at the bowling center which means I've been up since 6:15 working on laundry so I have sweats to wear. Especially since Deqlan has baseball tryouts both Saturday and Sunday (where the high is barely 40 degrees).

A good friend of mine is from New Hampshire and just can't get over the fact that we had a 2-hr delay last Friday because of a little bit of snow and that they made the call at 4pm yesterday to release 3 hours early. I am totally on board with the decision the school board made yesterday. 8 years ago this week (I was 6 months pregnant with Deqlan and miserable) we got hit with 1/2" of snow and ice starting at about 11am. It took people HOURS to get home from work and school. Kids ended up having to sleep at their school, people abandoned their cars on the side of the road. It took CJ and I 8 hours to get home from his work, 5 and a half miles!!! I don't want a repeat of that. Once I get Deq from school we are staying put!!

Have a great weekend & stay warm!!

The Facts of Me!!

I'm linking up with Whitney today!

I have one brother who is 6 years older than me. We fought like cats and dogs growing up but now we are the best of friends!

My husband, CJ is 9 1/2 years older than me :-) We started dating when I was 17.

I got married 6 weeks after I turned 18. My parents had only known we were together for a week.

My oldest son, Deqlan, was born the day I turned 18 1/2. I love that our birthdays are exactly 6 months apart.

Both boys were born by scheduled c-section. And their birth times are only 4 minutes apart!

I have been bowling since I was 2 1/2 years old. I haven't picked up a bowling ball since December 27th and it is driving me insane!

I have absolutely no clue what I want to do with my life. Which makes going to school difficult!!

My husband has a chronic illness that will end up putting him in a wheelchair at some point in the hopefully not so near future. It is what it is and I can't change it.

I hate my husbands job. He doesn't have consistent hours and his days off change every 4 weeks. We are currently on day 1 of 7. Single mom status til next week.

5 for Five

I haven't linked up with 5 for Five since the New Year started...Things have been a little crazy around here. We are slowly getting back to normal!!!

This week I want to...

1. Get all of our Christmas decorations down and put away. Yep all three trees are still up (only 1 still has decorations on it). That is the extent of the decorations that are still up. I got everything else down last week. I need to get another storage container to organize things a little bit better.

2. Get all homework done for the week. I mean this really shouldn't be negotiable but let's be honest...it totally is! I have a discussion board assignment due Wednesday and a test due Friday.

3. Take Deqlan to Durham on Tuesday to get his new ball drilled. We got Deqlan a new bowling ball for Christmas and haven't had a chance to take him to see my brother to get it drilled. He doesn't have school tomorrow so we will go once Hayden is out of school.

4. Cook dinner at home the four nights we are home this week. We've been so lazy about not eating dinner at home. We ate at home two nights last week which was an improvement. Now let's go for all four that we are home!

5. Drop off a birthday present for a party we missed yesterday. Hayden was supposed to go to a birthday party yesterday but I woke up with a migraine and CJ doesn't know the neighbors so we had to miss it. I need to wrap it and run it by this week.

The biggest thing is obviously Christmas decorations. I am tired of staring at the trees!!

I didn't blog much last week. I have been so down emotionally and mentally after all of CJ's health issues in the last week. I did some research and found a therapist near us that takes our insurance. I am going to try to get in this week to see her. I never thought I would need to see a therapist but I need someone to talk to about these things that is an outside party. I can talk to my mom about ANYTHING but she is going through this with me, so to tell her how stressed out I am, will only stress her out more! I wish I could say that CJ's family was helpful through all of this but they aren't. My parents drop whatever they are doing to help us. Meanwhile, his family just wants to know how he is. Talk about frustrating.

I have another follow-up with my surgeon this morning. I am bringing my Political Science book with me to get some reading done which means he will see me on time. That's usually what happens. My knee is looking good. Still pretty sore but physical therapy went well last week.

I hope everyone has a great day!!!

My Day

Deqlan has a 2-hour delay which means Hayden has a 1-hour delay...this is my day... Drop Hayden off for 10am...kill time before I can drop Deqlan off at 10:45am...kill time before picking Hayden up at 12:10...Did I mention this requires driving back and forth 15 miles to drop H off...15 miles to drop D off...15 miles to pick H up...15 miles home...Will update later!

SNOW?!?!

uGGHHHHHH!!! The dreaded S word has made it's way into the forecast for tonight/tomorrow morning. Now growing up I loved snow days but now with the boys in school that will completely throw off my day if when they cancel school for tomorrow. January 2005 our county got hit with a crazy ice storm one morning (like after school started) and the county waited too long to send kids home from school and a lot of kids ended up stuck at school for the night, people were stuck on the roads for hours. It took me and CJ 6 hours to get home from his work which was only 10 minutes from where we were living. Did I mention I was 7 months pregnant with Deqlan? Yeah it was crazy!!! In any event, ever since then the school system is over-cautious about cancelling school (where when I was in school they waited until 6am to cancel anything). I bet we will have an announcement about a cancellation/delay by 8:30pm tonight. Now the weather all depends on when the "cold front" arrives. I am not looking forward to tonight's weather because we will be at the bowling center and will have to drive home in it. I am supposed to have physical therapy in the morning but I will have to cancel if the boys don't have school which means I may have to go Saturday morning. I really need to get two visits a week in.

Speaking of my physical therapy. I am going to the same place I went during Summer of 2011 when I started this whole big mess with my knee (at least this go round) and I love my therapist there BUT they have changed the way they charge you. Now I have to pay $75/visit until I reach my $2500 deductible. It used to be $13/visit. So frustrating. I wanted to go 3 times a week but we only put $100/month on our health card!! We had some money left on it from last year so I'll go twice a week for the 4 weeks he recommended and then hopefully I can just do the rest of the exercises at home. I haven't even gotten the bills from the anesthesiologist from my surgery or from the surgeon yet. I just know how much we owe the surgery center. And with all of CJ's stuff last week we have MORE THAN MET his deductible for the year. Crazy!!!

Sorry I have been such a horrible blogger lately. As I posted last night I'm dealing with some things emotionally and mentally that I need to get under control.

Clearing My Head

This is a post I've been thinking about writing for a week now. I'm having a hard time doing so but I need to clear my head! There are so many things going through my mind right now about CJ's health and it is driving me crazy. I will be spending tomorrow morning researching local therapists so I can find someone to go talk to. CJ and I try not to talk about his health issues while the boys are awake, but I have some things that I'm worried about that I don't want to talk to him about right now (we just had a long talk about a few of these things a month or so ago but given what happened last week it is on my mind again). It is not fair to stress CJ out more with my concerns. I could talk to my mom but I really feel like I need an impartial party.

When we found out last March what CJ's actual diagnosis was (Gorham's Disease) we were also informed that there will come a time where he will no longer be able to work, he will end up in a wheelchair, and will have a shorter life because of it. At first it truly freaked me out. But he started feeling better and those thoughts went on the back burner. At the beginning of December when CJ was starting to feel worse he had a rough night of horrible thoughts invading his head. He took an hour long shower where we sat on the floor of the shower crying because he was thinking about how his dad didn't get to meet me or the boys and he doesn't want that to happen to him. He is concerned about me and the boys when he is gone. At the time I still wasn't concerned about any of these things. We know it is going to happen one day, but I in my heart knew it wouldn't be anytime soon.

Last Wednesday when I was brought back to recovery to see CJ after his procedure I seriously thought this was it. He was in so much pain that they could not get under control. I am absolutely terrified of losing him. This past week has seriously put everything into perspective for me. I have hardly slept in a week, I keep asking him how he is feeling, and I stress myself out wondering how his day is and when he doesn't answer the phone I freak out. I cannot keep going on like this. It is time to talk to someone and possibly get some medicine for anxiety/depression issues. I have battled depression since Deqlan was born but it has never been bad enough where I felt the need to see someone about it. I need to get myself healthy in all aspects of life for the boys. They need to have one healthy parent.

Getting myself healthy will include losing weight once I am cleared by my surgeon and physical therapist to do more activity. I'll be joining the local gym and working out while Hayden is at school. I need to get this weight off of my body not only to be healthier but to prevent needing this same surgery on my right knee. And I need to get myself mentally healthy (does that even make sense).

Life

We have had a busy and stressful week. I am happy to say that all four of us are home together again. I wish I could say that I never want to step foot into that hospital again but I know that is not reasonable or realistic given CJ's health issues.

Tuesday afternoon I did go to the dentist. No I did not have any issues with any of my teeth. Turns out I had yet another sinus infection. You could see my sinus cavity on the x-ray that's how inflamed they were. Started antibiotics for that. Haven't seen much improvement yet but I ended up skipping a day of medication while we were at the hospital.

Wednesday afternoon was CJ's blood patch appointment which actually started on time (shocking I know). A typical blood patch should only take 45 minutes to an hour CJ's take 2-2 1/2 hours. By the time I got back to recovery to see him it was almost 5 o'clock (I wanted to be on the road by 5 to head home). He was in so much pain, couldn't keep anything down, his blood pressure was through the roof, and sweat was pouring off of him. After giving him some pain meds & some nausea meds and not seeing any improvement the doctor gave us the option of admitting him or going home to see how he felt. Since we live an hour away going home really wasn't an option. Into the hospital we went. He ended up needing a spinal tap Wednesday night to drain fluid off. That gave him some relief for about an hour. The rest of the night was spent listening to him yell and moan about how much pain he was in and with nurses coming in every hour to give him an assortment of meds. Originally the doctor said he'd be admitted as a 23-hr. observation. She came Thursday morning and decided to go ahead and do another spinal tap with talks of having to do another one Thursday evening. We knew then we weren't going anywhere on Thursday. I was heartbroken. After Thursday mornings spinal tap CJ saw a lot of relief that was actually lasting. Not sure if all of it was from the spinal tap or if it was in addition to all of the medications that they were pumping into him. Thankfully he did not need another spinal tap. We spent the rest of Thursday trying to rest. First thing Friday morning the doctor came in and said we could go home! We were finally discharged about 10:45. We had to stop and pick up quite a few new prescriptions (one that I spent all day trying to track down only to find out that the resident wrote the script wrong!). By the time I was able to sit down and rest last night (after a very long shower) it was 7pm. I was asleep sometime before 10 last night.

We have been through so much with CJ's health in the last year, well actually in the last 3 years. I feel bad for the boys. I am so thankful that my parents live so close to us and are able and willing to drop whatever they are doing to help with the boys. On Wednesday both boys were at different houses until we were done at the hospital. My mom ended up picking them both up and swinging by our house to get clothes and Deqlan's lunch for Thursday. My dad stayed home from work on Thursday and took both boys to school and picked them up. Mom made another late night run to my house to get more clothes for the boys for Friday. Friday morning Deqlan woke up with a migraine (he's had them for about 2 years now) and Hayden had a nasty cold so they both stayed home from school with my mom. We were at my mom's by about 1:30 to pick them up Friday afternoon.

Hospital

CJ was admitted to the hospital yesterday following his blood patch. Hope to be back tomorrow.

Pay it Forward!

Here are the details: The first 5 people to comment with their email (and blog address if you have one) will receive from me, sometime in this calendar year, a suprise gift from me! There will likely be no warning, it will happen when the mood strikes me. We also deserve a little something special every now and then and I would love to hook ya up! :)

The catch? All 5 of you ladies who comment below must make the same offer on your Blog (or Facebook status if you don't have a blog).

Update

Classes started yesterday and I am actually happy about it. It's going to give me something to do with my time again! I am determined to make A's in both of my classes this semester.

For the last four years I have had some tooth/gum pain off and on. By off and on I mean I'll have it for like a week and then it goes away for 8 months or longer. Well the pain started last week (you would think the pain meds would have helped) and has gotten progressively worse. I have been on the verge of tears multiple times this morning because the pain has gotten so bad. I guess I'll call the dentist as soon as they open and hopefully they can get me in while Hayden is at school. I will say though I am going to be livid if they tell me it's a cavity because I was just there for a cleaning in November and had a cavity filled then.

Tomorrow CJ and I will be spending the afternoon at Duke to get his blood patch done. It was during his blood patch last year that we found out that his bone disease was in his back and was the culprit of all of his issues. While we had a CT done in November and they didn't see any new growth or changes we are both a little anxious about tomorrow and what will be found/seen. His appointment isn't until 2 but we have to be there at 1:30 and it's an hour drive out there. He can't eat after 8am so he's going to have to get up with the boys and have a big breakfast. He can't take any meds tomorrow either. Hopefully he handles this one as well as he did the first.

I need to call and make my first physical therapy appointment for next week. Originally the doctor said it would be a month before I started (which I thought sounded weird) but I am glad to be getting started, that just means I am one step closer to being back to bowling.

I got a text message from someone yesterday who I was really close too up until last year. Now she only talks to me when it is convenient for her or if she needs something. I didn't answer which made her angry apparently. I refuse to be used by her anymore than she has already used me and CJ. The boys loved her (Hayden called her sissy) and she just stopped talking to us one day, it broke their hearts.

Well I should probably get ready for the day and get Hayden up and ready for school. I hope everyone has a great day!!!

Day One

Today is my first day not taking pain meds during the day...I've been doing pretty good til now. I was on my feet way to much today & it has worn me out!

I had my post-op appointment this morning. It went well, aside from the fact that I didn't see the doctor until an hour after my appointment and it was for all of 3 minutes. What a waste of my time!!! In any event they took the stitches out today and put new steri-strips on. I can take those off at the end of the week. I am supposed to start physical therapy next week and then I see the doctor again in two weeks. He says all looks good right now which is what I like to hear!

Spring semester starts today. I'm only taking two online classes and have spent the last 20 minutes printing papers for my classes. I'll be spending the rest of the evening getting my notebooks together and starting my homework.

Tomorrow I have nothing on the calendar and I love it :-)

Next Time

So if I post in the next week or two that I want to go to Target or run a couple of errands...please remind me NOT TO!!!!

I went to Target this morning and it was the WORST idea ever!!!

Pain meds are not helping right now and it's bad :-(

One Week

Yesterday marked one week since I have been to Target...I am having withdrawal...I need to go get some supplies for classes starting Monday so I will venture over there today...I will pay for it later this afternoon...like I did last night when I ran one measly errand & went to the bowling center!

Today marks one week since my surgery :-) Monday is my post-op and I am praying that he will take the stitches out because they are driving me CRAZY!!! He left them a little bit longer than typical and they keep catching on my pants and it is too cold to be wearing shorts out (plus that requires shaving and well that's a little difficult at the moment).

It was nice to get out of the house last night but I definitely paid for it. I am trying to limit the amount of pain pills I take since I am having to drive the boys to and from school now. Which meant by the time my mom dropped me and the boys off last night I was just plain miserable. Which is sad since I kept my butt in a chair with my knee propped up the majority of the night.

CJ had a long day at work yesterday which put him in a bad mood and he's going to have a long day today too...I think sushi for dinner is in order :-) For the last week I have been craving two things (and no I did not want them together and NO I am not pregnant-I promise they ran a pregnancy test before surgery!) Sushi & Nachos...I had my nachos yesterday (although they would have been better if I had eaten them at the restaurant instead of putting them together when I got home). I figure now I need some sushi.

What a bunch of randomness today. I slept in a bit (6:45) and need to attempt to put some sweat pants on now. I need to pack Deqlan's lunch and get the boys bookbags ready but I am not going downstairs until it is almost time to leave-too many trips up and down the stairs recently!

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I think I am going to watch Magic Mike tonight while eating my sushi by myself in bed :-)

It's OK

I'm linking up with Amber & Neely for It's OK Thursday :-)

It's OK...
...that I'm enjoying sleeping with my knee propped up every night *although I would like to sleep on my stomach again!*
...that I let Hayden play hooky yesterday from school instead of fighting with him to get up & ready
...that I'm going to run an errand after I take Hayden to school even though I'm supposed to be "resting my knee"
...that I seriously cannot wait to get out of the house tonight...I've been at home since Friday!
...that I'm annoyed CJ doesn't seem to care about my recovery (example: hasn't asked a single time how my knee feels & doesn't spend any time with me before bed)
...that I don't want to take good care of him when he doesn't feel good anymore (yes I'm bitter)
...that I think it is ABSOLUTELY hilarious that my brother got completely trashed during the afternoon on NYE & ended up throwing up all over his friends bathroom & ended up making his wife mad
...that I desperately need some good girl friends...I lost many friends last year while taking care of CJ and it really showed me who my true friends were...answer...not many of them!

Back to the grind

The boys both head back to school today! Well Deqlan for sure...I'm trying not to take any meds this morning so I can get Hayd to school (this will mean not taking anything until 12:30). I don't know that I will make it. I don't want Hayden to miss 3 days of school (it's just preschool but still) it is times like this I do wish his preschool were a little bit closer to the house instead of 15 minutes away.

I didn't nap yesterday afternoon which made last night much easier for me. I cannot take my two pills together. When I do they knock me out!! CJ felt so bad yesterday because he forgot to take something out for dinner before he left for work. We ended up with Burger King for dinner (not that I could eat it-my teeth are bothering me). He did take something out before he went to bed last night so at least no fast food tonight :-)

I feel like the house is a disaster but I really can't get up and clean it. I want to get laundry done but I can't. I really didn't think it would bother me as much as it is. Especially so quickly!

I am hoping to take Hayden to school and make a stop at a little gift shop on the way home. I want to get some things for classes and they are having a huge sale starting today. I am sure I will pay for this later today!!

December Cara Box

**I'm going to add a picture later of my goodies. I am too sore to get up right now**

Kaitlyn @ Wifessionals created a wonderful monthly swap called Cara (Car-rah)Box. December's box found you matched with two different people. One you would send to and another who would send a box to you.

I was paired up with Holly. She sent me an adorable sparkly penguin ornament (I love penguins!!), a very pretty pink sparkly picture frame (with a sweet note in it), some sugar cookie mix with two things of frosting to go with it. The boys have been dying to make the cookies and we just didn't have the time to do it before my surgery. I'm sure as soon as I'm feeling up to it they will be driving me crazy to make them!! Thanks for the sweet box Holly!!

I have gone back and forth about whether or not to sign up for the January box. I love doing them but I wasn't sure if I'd be up to doing a box after surgery. I have decided to go ahead and sign up (and you should too!!) January's box is about Resolutions so I'm hoping to be able to do some homemade stuff for my partner :-)

At home

CJ is back at work today and we are home by ourselves with no help :-( I've been having a hard time during the late afternoons staying awake which has made sleeping at night a little more difficult. I woke up this morning not feeling well at all and then had to go downstairs to make a drink because CJ put my crystal light in the freezer last night and forgot about it! I am hoping the day gets better. Deqlan goes back to school tomorrow & Hayden is supposed to as well but I'm not sure if I'll be able to drive Hayden all the way to school (about 15 mins from the house) Deqlan's school is right down the street so I'm not worried about that.

I ordered my textbooks Saturday and they arrived yesterday...talk about fast shipping! Classes start Monday and I am ready to have some work to do! It will definitely be a change only having 2 classes this semester. But I am determined to make A's in both of my classes and be better organized.

Monday is my post-op appointment. Hopefully I'll get these stitches removed because they are driving me crazy! Wednesday is CJ's blood patch which equals a long day for us. We don't have to be at the hospital until 1:30 but it's an hour away. We will be lucky to leave the hospital by 5 that afternoon.

I hope you are having a wonderful New Year's Day!