Admitting the truth

This is a hard one for me to write...

I leave for Reno in 9 days for a bowling tournament. We bowl 3 games for team event on Saturday evening and then 6 games for doubles and singles bright and early Sunday morning. Since my knee surgery in late December I have bowled a total of 5 games and those were not done at the same time (1 game, then 2 & 2 again). My goal was to be back 100% by the time I left for Reno. Unfortunately I am still not cleared from my surgeon to resume bowling again. I have gone against doctor's orders because I was told it would be a 12 week recovery and I am currently at 18 1/2 weeks and I do not go back again until July 3rd. We booked my flight and paid my entry fee based off of the 12 week deadline. I am no where close to be ready for this tournament. I am looking forward to a few days away but I know how disappointed I am going to be. My goal at this point is to make it through team event and doubles event. If I don't bowl singles I am okay with that. I don't hurt anyone but myself.

I have had a hard time admitting to myself lately that this surgery did more harm then good. I went into surgery knowing that there was only a 50% success rate, but it is still crushing to know that not only did it not help, it made it worse!

I am ready to be back at 100%!!